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toilet seat coversI had some bizarre thoughts today about, of all things, toilet seat covers!  I know, crazy!  Most of you are probably thinking, “who cares about toilet seat covers?”  But I have to tell you that I do, I care about toilet seat covers, or should I say the lack of toilet seat covers!

This all started today because I went to breakfast with hubbie, Paul and yep, no toilet seat covers.

On the west coast of the United States there are toilet seat covers in just about every little restaurant or gas station, from the nice, to the lets just say not so nice.  But here on the east coast it’s a different story.  I feel like I’ve been smiled upon from above when I go to a store, restaurant or gas station and find seat covers in their bathrooms.

So what do you do?  You learn to strategically place strips of toilet paper on the seat so as none of your bare body will touch it when you sit down.  With me ladies this has become an art form!

If time allows, the perfect way is this: not one, but two strips of toilet paper across the front of the toilet seat, followed by two strips down the right side and two strips down the left side.  Entire seat covered and you are in business!

That is until you turn around to sit down and part of it slides onto the floor or into the toilet, forcing you to do patch work on your perfect cover.  And all the while you’re dancing a little jig in front of the toilet, saying “just one more second, just one more second.”  Which I might add, gets a little tougher as I age.

Now let’s address the “squatters”.  You know who you are.  You are the ladies that are tall enough to just squat over the top of the toilet, not touching anything and do your tinkle business.  Doesn’t work for me, I’m way too short.  I have but one request of the squatters, and I’m not being critical, just an honest request.  When you’re done please take a little toilet paper and wipe off the seat.  We toilet paper artists thank you.

I don’t even want to get into the difficulties of taking a child to the bathroom and trying to lay out that toilet paper all the while saying “don’t touch anything, don’t touch anything”!  Then picking them up and trying to gingerly place them on that wobbly, thin protective shield you’ve laid out.  Whew!

So in closing; store, restaurant and gas station owners hear our cry!  Stock those bathrooms with toilet seat covers.  Women all across America will thank you!

Stoopid August 4, 2016, 10:20 am

Lol. Sigourney Weaver immortalized the toilet paper technique on film in Copycat. Although I don’t remember if she did the two strip front. And you’re totally right about getting your butt down before they slide into the toilet bowl. Thanks for the morning smile.

Teresa August 4, 2016, 6:59 pm

Oh my gosh, I’ve never seen that movie, but now I have to! Thank you for reading and commenting.

Kathleen - Bloggers Lifestyle August 4, 2016, 8:26 pm

Hi Teresa, I just had to comment here. I am right with you and I also practice this ritual to cover the seat, it is most important. Of course as you mentioned any moisture on the seat needs to be dried off first. I had one bad experience when somehow my artwork that covered the seat got caught in the back of my jeans and I walked back out with a long white tail flapping in the breeze. You would fit in well at our link up the Blogger’s Pit Stop we have a number of midlife bloggers who post there.

Teresa August 5, 2016, 7:29 am

Oh my, what an embarrassing moment that must have been! I will definitely be stopping by the Blogger’s Pit Stop. Thank you for reading and commenting.

Patricia August 5, 2016, 8:16 am

The art of doing one’s business… I have been called to write in it too! Lol.

Teresa August 5, 2016, 9:13 am

Thank you for reading my venture in writing in it!

Lisa/Syncopated Mama August 5, 2016, 10:32 pm

My daughter just started using public toilets on our summer trip, so I can say that I know that whole routine well! I totally say, “don’t touch anything! don’t touch anything!” and then pray nothing shifts while I heave her 33 pounds up there to do her business. I am one of those tall individuals who counts toilet squats as her daily exercise, but I can definitely say that I ALWAYS wipe the seat after! 😉

Teresa August 5, 2016, 11:32 pm

Something I’ve discovered that I now use with my grandkids are toilet seat covers for kids sold by Toys-R-Us. They have little tabs on the back you can pull off so they stick on, which is great, but some of them are not flushable. Which presents a whole other issue of picking up an often tinkled on seat cover to carry it to the trash and throw it away! But, the last time I checked I think they had flushable ones, so those would be worth checking in to. Thank you so much for reading and commenting!

Kathleen - Bloggers Lifestyle August 6, 2016, 5:10 am

So nice to see you here Teresa, I hope you enjoy the Blogger’s Pit Stop. Thanks for brightening up our day with this seriously amusing post that has so much truth in it.


Teresa August 7, 2016, 9:22 am

Hi Kathleen, Thank you so much for stopping by, reading my post and taking time to comment! I enjoyed joining in on the Blogger’s Pit Stop. I’ll definitely be back. Teresa

Mary-the boondocks blog August 7, 2016, 1:02 pm

Yes I too frequently have to do the toilet dance while getting the paper ready. I did not know that the easterners were such slobs.

Teresa August 8, 2016, 10:17 am

Ah, another toilet paper artist! Thank you for taking time out of your busy day to read and comment. Have a great day!

Beverly August 9, 2016, 11:07 am

This post made me laugh. I too have done this, but never thought about it really. Now I will.

Teresa August 10, 2016, 11:43 am

Probably every time! Thanks for reading and commenting!

Joyce September 27, 2016, 7:00 pm

Hilarious! It did occur to me one day that since every woman in the world is so adept at covering the seat, it actually might be the only untouched, germ free item in the entire bathroom!

Teresa September 27, 2016, 11:11 pm

You know, I think you may be right!


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