I had some bizarre thoughts today about, of all things, toilet seat covers!  I know, crazy!  Most of you are probably thinking, “who cares about toilet seat covers?”  But I have to tell you that I do, I care about toilet seat covers, or should I say the lack of toilet seat covers!

This all started today because I went to breakfast with hubbie, Paul and yep, no toilet seat covers.

On the west coast of the United States there are toilet seat covers in just about every little restaurant or gas station, from the nice, to the lets just say not so nice.  But here on the east coast it’s a different story.  I feel like I’ve been smiled upon from above when I go to a store, restaurant or gas station and find seat covers in their bathrooms.

So what do you do?  You learn to strategically place strips of toilet paper on the seat so as none of your bare body will touch it when you sit down.  With me ladies this has become an art form!

If time allows, the perfect way is this: not one, but two strips of toilet paper across the front of the toilet seat, followed by two strips down the right side and two strips down the left side.  Entire seat covered and you are in business!

That is until you turn around to sit down and part of it slides onto the floor or into the toilet, forcing you to do patch work on your perfect cover.  And all the while you’re dancing a little jig in front of the toilet, saying “just one more second, just one more second.”  Which I might add, gets a little tougher as I age.

Now let’s address the “squatters”.  You know who you are.  You are the ladies that are tall enough to just squat over the top of the toilet, not touching anything and do your tinkle business.  Doesn’t work for me, I’m way too short.  I have but one request of the squatters, and I’m not being critical, just an honest request.  When you’re done please take a little toilet paper and wipe off the seat.  We toilet paper artists thank you.

I don’t even want to get into the difficulties of taking a child to the bathroom and trying to lay out that toilet paper all the while saying “don’t touch anything, don’t touch anything”!  Then picking them up and trying to gingerly place them on that wobbly, thin protective shield you’ve laid out.  Whew!

So in closing; store, restaurant and gas station owners hear our cry!  Stock those bathrooms with toilet seat covers.  Women all across America will thank you!